We Need To Talk

       First off, I hope this blog post finds you doing well. I am well aware though, that the world we live in is fallen. Recent events in America with shootings all around and protests in response and more outrage and movements in response to those are glaring reminders that this is not Heaven. There is good in the world, because our God is alive and He called His creation good. But there is also brokenness. Brokenness that is being healed everyday, and for those that trust Christ there is redemption and sanctification of that brokenness. Christ Jesus came and died for everyone. God is clear that his desire is that all be saved, and that he so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him wouldn't perish but have eternal life. 

"This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, 

who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of truth." 

1 Timothy 2:3

    Jesus laid Himself down because our God is merciful and gracious and loving. Jesus bore the wrath of God from all of humanity's sins also because our God is just. 

"But God, who is rich in mercy, 

because of His great love that He had for us, 

even when we were dead in our trespasses, 

made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved"

Ephesians 2:4-5

"But the Lord of hosts is exalted in justice, 

and the Holy God shows himself holy in righteousness."

Isaiah 5:16

            Justice and respect are what so many people are striving for. Justice is what hundreds and thousands of protesters, police officers, and all of the rest of us generally aim to seek. When you think about that, it makes sense, because our Creator, our First Love is the most just being that there is. We crave justice because it resembles part of the only true, deep desire we have had all our lives--God. 

       It is good that people are responding. We were created with passion, and we were created with minds. Minds that analyze, create, ponder, wonder, fear, believe and much more. Passion that fiercely demands and seeks after the desires of the heart and what the mind looks to for value. 

       Now, I'm not the best with eloquence, so for the next bit I'm going to make some statements, and then try to elaborate on them.

•  Racial tension is a real issue.
•  Discrimination against Black people is a real issue.
•  There is a dangerous stereotype of Black males, or any other men of color as being violent  and/or prone to be criminals.
•  White privilege is a real issue.
•  Segregation in the Church is a real issue. 
•  Ignorance is harmful. 
•  Our society has a lack of respect for law enforcement.
•  The lives of police officers hold value.
• We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. 
• God loves and seeks after every tribe, tongue, and nation.

      Okay, so that was a lot, and this issue is way bigger than one blog post. I won't be able to cover everything about this issue. But the conversations need to start. It is nowhere near the norm for people of different colors of skin to discuss the really difficult questions about race and racism. It isn't too often that we'll sit down with people we love but look different than us and talk about discrimination one of us has faced when the people that discriminated look like the other person. I highly encourage you to read/watch this post on Desiring God about Lecrae Moore talking about this issue and what we as believers should do about it. 

Engaging Race Face to Face

   

  This graphic basically speaks for itself. If you'd like to see where it came from to start the search to check the facts, go here. The image is ginormous, but I really wanted y'all to be able to read all of what this infographic has to say. 

      In 1989, Peggy McIntosh published an article about White privilege. It is one of the best that I've read, and I highly encourage you to read it. You can read it here.

White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

    A dear friend of mine shared this article recently and it was encouraging to see recognition of the importance of the lives of all people.

To read the article, go here.

#BlackLivesMatter Condemns NYPD Cop Killings: 'Not Our Vision of Justice'

     If you're not quite sure about the #BlackLivesMatter, go here, it tells you what they stand for and what they're all about.

Black Lives Matter

      Please, please, please take the time to read these articles in effort of recognizing police officers as people, holding important positions, and in hopes of gaining a better understanding.

How and Why Police Monitor Protests

How and why local police departments get military surplus equipment

Common Police Officer Stereotypes

      Stereotypes are not okay. Period. 

5 Dangers of Labels and Stereotypes

The Dangers of Stereotyping

Images of Black Males in Popular Media

        ignorance

      noun

      1. the state or fact of being ignorant; lack of knowledge,                       learning, information, etc. 

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

-Martin Luther King Jr. 

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."

-Confucius

"It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance."

-Thomas Sowell

"Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob, and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe."

-Frederick Douglass

 Alright, now, let's walk through some scripture together that I pray will help us see things better.

"From one man He has made every nationality to live over the whole earth and has determined their appointed times and the boundaries of where they live."

Acts 17:26

"So then you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with the saints, and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus Himself as the cornerstone. The whole building, being put together by Him, grows into a holy sanctuary in the Lord. You also are being built together for God's dwelling in the Spirit."

Ephesians 2:19-22

Ephesians 3 (Go ahead and read all of it--make it your prayer)

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Ephesians 5:15-21

"The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."

1 Peter 4:7-8

"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

2 Peter 1:5-8

   To finish I want to challenge you to pray and engage in hard conversations. I challenge you to research as many sides of the story as you can. I challenge you to seek the truth. 

Grace and peace be with you.

My Summer Wasn't The Adventure I Thought It'd Be (Part I)

         About this time last year, I was already considering what I would be doing over the summer. Having had many friends that had gone on a Summer Project, a summer-long mission trip involving intensive discipleship and evangelism training, I initially had that as an option in the back of my mind. I was determined though, that regardless of what my time was spent doing, that I wouldn't be spending summer at home. I knew I would be travelling around either overseas or maybe even somewhere around the states.  You see, ever since I went to Greece for a week in 2011, I wanted to continue to travel everywhere as often as possible--anything to get away from my little bubble that I was used to seeing all of the time.

        Come October, I had narrowed down my potential summer options to two possibilities: I would either go on a trip with TeachOverseas, a Christian organization that takes teachers into closed countries to teach English and share the Gospel, or to be on staff with StudentLife, an organization that works with youth primarily through week-long camps where they come and learn more about God, His love, and His Word. I mean, they were both perfect because one option would involve working with children in Europe, and the other would involve travelling all of over America with a team of people putting on high-energy camps for thousands of students. I really only thought of TeachOverseas as a possibility because I didn't think I could ever be accepted to be on staff with StudentLife. I had it in my head that I wasn't "cool enough" or "faithful enough." There came a point where, as I talked with some friends that were former SL staffers that I began to recognize that I could be used to serve. The Lord opened my eyes to see that it wouldn't be anything of myself that would be of benefit to anyone. The thought of serving with SL was incredibly exciting to me, but also kind of terrifying. As I was considering the possibility of serving with SL, it was time for me to make some sort of commitment to serving with TeachOverseas.

         In my mind, serving with TeachOverseas was the more important option because it meant that I would be serving within an area of the world where less than 1% of the country's population had even heard the Gospel of Christ Jesus. I had this idea that SL was really the more fun option, and that it wasn't as pressing of a need because the kids I'd be serving lived in America, where there are churches on every other street corner in many of our states.

         Long story short, I did not commit to TeachOverseas for the summer of 2014, and went through the application process with StudentLife. Through the process, the Lord taught me a lot about Himself, and showed me more and more that I cannot do anything apart from His Holy Spirit working in and through me. Through a leg of a journey of healing from a Generalized Anxiety Disorder, as well as what felt like a wild goose chase of trying to lead well in my community at school with Cru, the Lord my God broke me in ways I hadn't been broken, and pruned me that I would bear more fruit, and be refined to look more like my Savior. 

         Around late February, early March, it came to a point where I would be hearing back about a position with StudentLife. After several weeks of anxiously and semi-patiently waiting, I finally saw an email from them. As I opened and saw the words, "We never enjoy sending these letters," something inside me just kind of paused. It felt like everything just silenced. I had to close the email to stop reading it over and over again. I was devastated. I always had it in the back of my head, and had prayed about it, and God enabled me to recognize that this was not an accident, and that He had a plan in all of this, but I was still very disappointed and saddened. Though I had the understanding that God was still in control, I was confused, because I just knew that I was meant to spend the summer working with StudentLife.

          Fast forward a month and some change, and I'm at an interest meeting at Providence where my eyes are opened to a need for young adults to come and serve with the youth ministry. Sharing a few ideas from my internship experience working with a youth group is encouraging to the Youth Pastor, and I begin to see the summer as a past behind me. This must be what I'm doing with my summer! I would be working with the youth at Providence, forming great friendships and getting to know them and sharing all of my wonderful ideas with how to improve the youth ministry and how to make it more fun for the kids (foreshadowing of the pride issue that was to be convicting).

        A few weeks later, I had plans to be chaperoning a couple of the trips with Providence's youth, and had already moved home for the summer. This would be my productive summer: I'd work my on-campus job and help pay off more of my loans, and I'd get to know the youth better. Enter my mother. As we do in my family, we had a family sit-down. My mom would be having major surgery in a month, and it would be 4 to 6  weeks for her full recovery. It would take everyone in the house working together for everything to go smoothly, and to ensure the best recovery possible for her. The weeks where the Providence youth would be going to camp and such were the first couple of weeks after my mom's said surgery. I confess that I was confused and disappointed, but honestly I was angry and frustrated. How could she expect me to cancel a previous commitment? They needed me (yeah...they needed me) to chaperone! Well, I called those in charge of the trips, pride stirring, and informed them what had happened. My heart began to fall as they urged me not to worry about it, and that they well understood how I'd want to take care of my mom and be there for my family. Something as significant as having major surgery, and all I could think about was my summer plans being foiled.

        Praise be to our great God that He loves and uses us in spite of ourselves! He softened my pride-hardened heart, and kept me from being too concerned with myself to be there for my family and especially my mother. Before I continue, let me share that my mom has well recovered from what was a successful surgery. Thanks be to God for healing her at a pace that even the doctors were surprised at (naturally--God doesn't have to stick to the expected recovery time).

         Throughout Scripture we are commanded to rejoice, not to worry or be anxious about anything, and even to simply be still and know that He is God. More often than not I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off, going and going until I can't go anymore. Sometimes, God gives us "be still appointments." He strips away everything else that we thought we had to do, and says, "Now, sit still, listen--I have something to say to you." This summer was kind of like a really long be still appointment for me. He cleared my schedule so that I could spend a lot of time in prayer, worship, and His Word. He taught me a lot through John Piper's writings, particularly a couple of books. I was blessed to be able to be mentored by Piper through what God has done in and through him. God taught me a lot about Himself and how to run with endurance the race that is set before me, looking to Jesus as the founder and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:1-2).  

           One of the many things that the Lord taught me this summer is the truth of what Piper calls Christian Hedonism. It sums up to this: God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. This concept is both liberating and troubling. It is liberating because it means that our glorifying God is ultimately our full satisfaction. It frees us to true pleasure and joy. It is troubling though, because I do not desire God all of the time. I am not always satisfied in Him, and quite frankly, I generally do not find myself rejoicing in Him and delighting in who He is and what He's done for me. True joy is a gift, and it is not something that I am able to produce on my own. Yet, if I do not have joy I am lost, and will  give in to the temporary pleasures of the world that lead to death. An even more pressing problem is that I battle potentially severe anxiety every day. How do I stand a chance at all?

           The beautiful truth that His grace is sufficient for me, and that His strength is made perfect when I am weak silences the worried murmurs that my soul makes. It is never up to my strength. In the words of the hymn Salvation Unto Us Has Come,

 

                     It is  a false misleading dream

                     that God His Law had given

                     so sinners could themselves redeem

                    and by their works gain Heaven.

 

             Through Piper's book, When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy, God showed me that I am called to fight for joy with the tools He has given me. It is no small thing to pray, nor is it futile to recognize an utter depravity and incapability of anything good apart from Jesus. By the power of  Jesus' death and resurrection on the cross, I am able to say, "Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication." (Micah 7:8-9). Piper's book is drenched in biblical truth, so I'll use his words:

                              "Nothing is more foundational for the joy of undeserving people than the cross of Jesus Christ. The fight for joy is a fight to grasp and marvel at what happened in the death of Christ--what it reveals about our suffering Savior.....We are on a doomed Titanic because of our sin--all of us without exception...The sinful ship of our lives is headed for everlasting ruin....Without a Savior, that's the reality we must keep out of our minds in order to be happy on the Titanic of this world. But we are not without a Savior. Jesus Christ has come. And he is a great Savior. Every need we have, he supplies. And his death on the cross is the price that purchases every gift that leads to deep and lasting joy" (72-73). 

                        There is much much more to tell--many more wondrous works to recall in praise of the Lord, but I'll write about them when the words come. I pray that God shows you more of Himself and His goodness, and that His works in my life cause you to praise Him more.

 

An Update

        Much has happened since I first attempted to begin this blog. I originally started this blog because I thought that I could. I had been in a class where it was required of me to blog once a week about various experiences as a future teacher, and what I was learning about technology in education. Since then I was diagnosed with PMDD which is essentially an emotional imbalance related to my hormones. Where it relates to my spiritual journey is that I don't have many of the feelings that I've always associated with having faith, and praising God.
       While I'd agree in a heartbeat that faith is not a feeling, in this season where I don't have those feelings that I've always been so used to having, the Lord is making that truth incredibly evident to me in a very real way. Yes, it is hard to not have a powerful emotional experience while worshipping or getting more into the Word, so seeing Him so clearly working in and all around me. It's hard to not "feel moved" and know in the deepest part of my soul that I should be radically moved, and falling to my knees for all that Christ has done for, in, and through me, and the endless amount of ways that He has so richly blessed me. But even in this trial, the Lord has graciously given me eyes to see at least a portion of what He is doing.
        A part of this emotional imbalance, for me, has meant being forced to be vulnerable. As someone who has always been emotionally driven, I have never been good at hiding how I truly feel about anything. So naturally, when those emotions are enhanced, like being anxious or upset, it shows. In the times of breaking down or getting upset in public, God has blessed me with many dear sisters in Christ, and some brothers too, that have been incredibly loving and caring towards me. They constantly remind me that God is still good, and that Satan's lies pale in comparison to the truth that He has revealed to us in His Word, and the power of the Holy Spirit that moves within us. They remind me that it's okay to lean on others, that many times God uses His children to lift one another up and comfort them, and that even when they don't understand, and they know that they cannot give me any strength of their own, they so naturally point me to the One that does.
        He is teaching me more about the Person of the Holy Spirit, and as Francis Chan wrote of as "The Forgotten God." He is teaching me that the Holy Spirit is much more than the emotional experiences we have during an intense time of worship or prayer, and that no one, literally not one single person can do anything for Christ apart from the work of the Holy Spirit. We aren't naturally able, due to how sin has corrupted us, and our finite beings, understand the infinite spiritual truth of our Triune God. We cannot know Him without Him revealing Himself to us.
         In this season especially that has been for the past several months or so, I have seen similarities with myself and the fig tree mentioned in various passages in scripture. One of the first passages the Spirit comforted me with comes from a book in the Bible that I never would look to for encouragement:

"Though the fig tree should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord;

I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

God, the Lord, is my strength;

he makes my feet like the deer's;

he makes me tread on high places."

Habakkuk 3:17-19

This passage comes from a time when Habakkuk is seeing all of the destruction that has come from the people of Judah being invaded by the Babylonians. I love how the commentary in the ESV Study Bible puts it:

"Anticipating great destruction at the hands of the Babylonians, Habakkuk has radically changed--he began by informing God how to run his world, and ended by trusting that God knows best and will bring about justice."

Habakkuk is describing all of these things that are going wrong, and yet he still rejoices in God's sovereignty, and all that Yahweh is doing for him. The same commentary notes say this:

"Yet even amid suffering and loss, Habakkuk has learned that he can trust God, and with that trust comes great joy, not in circumstances but in God himself....Yahweh has become Habakkuk's strength."

That, dear ones, is what the Lord has been teaching me, and what is true of Habakkuk, I believe to be true of myself. Though I may not feel or express the joy that comes with trusting the Lord, and though I very much am still learning to trust Him more, He is still God, and what He says of me is still true.